UPDATE: A few weeks after this post, I did, in fact, get ten inches shorn off my hair and donated to a good cause. I cried a significant amount of tears and went through a brief, frantic existential crisis, but it's been a few months and my hair is steadily growing back. One of my … Continue reading Hair, or how this blog post turned out to be longer than I expected. Like my hair.
The thing about bombings and terrorist attacks is that, after a little while, it’s too easy to divorce an atrocity from the monotony of the day. The horror sits heavy on your skin like a too-thick cocoa-butter moisturizer, and it’s hard to let it sink in. But, with enough time and distraction, you get used … Continue reading The day of and those after
I started bullet journaling over winter break. It has been one of the better decisions I have made in the past few years, and I've seen the direct results of embarking on this organizational journey in my day-to-day life. I'm less anxious, more organized, I remember both short-term and long-term goals; the act of putting … Continue reading On discipline, or how I’m learning to stop self-flagellating
There are days - more realistically, nights - where I'm so overcome by my own sudden, built-up anger that I don't know what to do with myself. It'll come entirely out of left-field, usually while I'm working, maybe triggered by a lyric in a song or something I read. Right now I'm reading about the … Continue reading Dormant anger in the postmodern era and a music review
I will be the first to admit that I read fiction far more than I read non-fiction*. In her fairly successful attempt to make sure her children turned out to be fluent in English, my mother filled every bookshelf I ever had with books either bought firsthand, secondhand, or passed down from her own childhood. … Continue reading In defense of the fantastic
I realize my last few blog posts have been a little more depressing than I usually put out. I try and imbue optimism in everything I write, because there's enough sadness going around without me adding to it. And yet, here I am. I forced myself to take a social media hiatus after some encouragement … Continue reading Long note: honest despair
I find myself nervous when I'm too happy. There was a time I used to say without any hesitation that I am a happy person; optimistic and bold, I used to walk forward bravely into any situation, ready to handle whatever crisis came my way. My infamous "crisis head" lends itself well to unpredictable situations, … Continue reading Short note: Happiness?
When fending off darkness and jadedness is resistance, you walk as if your joints are sandpaper. There's a constant ache in a part of your body you can't quite pinpoint. Every time you smile, you throw the bags under your eyes into relief. You still smile with your eyes, though. There's tension in the tangling vines that grow … Continue reading Resisting
I will remember that life is about art and the written word and music. I will remember that I have learnt about the meaning of art from engineers, about the nuances of the written word from computer scientists, and about music from beauty gurus on Youtube. I will remember that life is all around me and that it is the grandest Work in Progress; and I will remember that the best art I have created is that whose final manifestation I had no inkling of when I started drawing.
When my clinician told me that I was going through a phenomenon called retraumatization, something clicked in my brain. It was a satisfying, crisp sound - a little bleak as far as eureka moments go but I suppose that's basically just character development. Every appointment since then I've learnt a bit more about myself and man, … Continue reading Trauma is a scary word & other reflections