Allow me to document this moment of rationality:
Six universities down the line and no acceptance. I should hate myself. And I suppose to a certain extent, I do hate myself. I hate that I KNOW what I’m capable of but that’s been jeopardized by my educational system. I could get into any of those schools with my repertoire but I haven’t.
And that sucks.
But I suppose everything happens for a reason; whether I’ll get into any university at all, or one, or not at all. Whether I’ll have to stay here. …and I’d hate that. I’d hate having to stay here. It would just be a reminder of what could have been. But isn’t this an example of just that? The fact that if I got over my pride and took another year and fought it out, I could do it all. I could do EVERYTHING. I’m confused.
Everything happens for a reason.
Everything happens for a reason.
Everything happens for a reason.
It makes my stomach churn thinking about it, but the universe, God, fate, sheer luck can often dictate what happens.
If I can help it, I’ll happily board a plane to Boston for the next four years. But if I have to wait another year…I guess I have no choice. I’ll deal with the tears and the self-loathing; everything happens for a reason.
I’ll get over it just like I’ve gotten over everything else.
I just hope I remember this when the time comes.
I wrote this Monday morning, in my school bus. I won’t lie – I’ve been feeling pretty pathetic about myself the past few weeks. I knew I was a really good student, so it killed me that I wasn’t able to get into any university of my choice. The night before I wrote the aforementioned post, I was talking to my father and mother at the dinner table about, well, signs. My father had said the fact that I’ve gotten rejected from so many good universities is a sign I should stay for Year 13. I pouted and said it wasn’t a sign I particularly enjoyed.
I’ve been planning for four years that I would not do Year 13; that I’d hightail it out of school after Year 12 so I can join my friends. It’s…mostly my pride that kept me from dealing with the rejections and completing my A Levels. I was willing to take safety schools in my desperation to leave, even when people kept telling me I could to better.
Monday afternoon, everything changed.
And that night, I declared my intention to stay for another year and complete my A Levels. I feel good about it. I have another year to sort out any loose ends, get the best results possible, maybe make some money, learn how to crochet and actually enjoy school. Besides, I’ll get a snazzy “Class of 2013” jacket too!
It sucks that my best friend will start college without me but, hey, the end result is going to be the same no matter which year I apply. I’m going to reapply to all the universities that rejected me with a bigger, better repertoire. I get to make my parents happy because they now have another year they can spend with me and actually see me turn into an adult when I go to university.
I’d like to point out two things right now:
- The above “post” where I kept saying “everything happens for a reason.” Dear Lord, does it. Call it fate, luck, some greater power in the universe or, like me, God, everything is beautifully orchestrated to produce an end result.
- And the fact that a couple posts ago I talked about how nothing in my life has ever gone as planned, and neither did this! I think I’m just going to give up planning from now on.
as if I ever will learn from my mistakes
Neiha Lasharie 