"...at no point did I think to myself, coming into NERMAL, that I was an expert or some kind of veteran. I knew I had improved a lot, but being a solo delegation is hard work and that's what I was. So I shrugged my shoulders, took a deep breath, walked into the room with a big smile on my face and my name tag on my blazer and starting playing the role of a world-class delegate (model sims are a great example of "faking it 'til you make it" for those of us with diplomatic aspirations). Ya Allah, khair: it's been a hard semester. The universe has tested me at every turn; it's stretched me thin enough that the figurative perforations were inevitable, shoved me through the emotional wringer and threatened to reverse all the progress I've made over the past couple of years." Getting that little piece of paper handed to me this afternoon meant more than I can articulate. But I tried to articulate it anyway.
You fought so hard to love yourself and found that love in other people. And then your self-love became intertwined with company; a give and take, you gave love and in doing so fell in love with yourself. Slowly. Excruciatingly slowly. It was uphill for the most part, but a rocky terrain nonetheless, and sometimes … Continue reading Note to self
I remember taking the Myers-Briggs type indicator test a few years ago (online, naturally) and it classified me as an INFP. This was when I was 14. I used to hate every inch of myself, and because of it, I repressed every desire I had to be surrounded by friends and to go outside and … Continue reading Born an extrovert
...well, the end of my exams anyway. No, that's not strictly true: the end of my exams brings with it the end of a great many other things. It's the official-official end of my high school career. Let's be real, for all the tears I shed, graduation was mostly for frills and to satiate us students. … Continue reading The end is nigh!
It's hard for me to take good news at face value. I'm pretty sure I can't be the only person to think this way - I lower my expectations about everything so much that I will refuse to believe that something amazing has happened to me until I have solid, tangible proof of it. Of … Continue reading Phases of acceptance
I've been posting a lot of personal posts lately, I know. Nothing too hard hitting, nothing too jarring, but I guess that's the nature of the phase of life I'm in. I'm restless, I can see the end just around the corner, and I want time to pass even faster than it is already. Of … Continue reading 1/9
Fun fact about myself - I only just recently acquired the skill of self-confidence. It's a feeling of freedom juxtaposed with a little bit of guilt, because you feel like you're overstepping the boundary between healthy self-affirmation and sheer, unadulterated vanity, and lemme tell you: in the grand racecourse of my self-esteem that is an unfairly … Continue reading Short note: I’m getting there
I was bound to get one or more rejection letters. I think what sucks most is that the first proper response I got was a rejection letter because, for a mind as superstitious as mine, that means subsequent bad news-But just now, out of absolutely nowhere, a fun. song began playing on my computer. Trust … Continue reading Starting this off with a deep breath
I truly am. It hits me, every so often, that there isn't much I'd rather be doing instead of what's happening right now. I don't have many regrets. I don't spend ages locking myself in my bedroom and sobbing about what a mess my life's become. I don't have a lot of things I want … Continue reading I’m in a good place in my life