Starting this off with a deep breath

I was bound to get one or more rejection letters. I think what sucks most is that the first proper response I got was a rejection letter because, for a mind as superstitious as mine, that means subsequent bad news-

But just now, out of absolutely nowhere, a fun. song began playing on my computer. Trust me, I still  can’t figure out where it’s coming from – I don’t even know which song it is, but I know the band, and it’s honestly the best thing that could have happened right now. It’s tiny things like this which reaffirm my optimism and I am this close to crying from happiness because, for the love of god, I haven’t had a break in a while now.

Wherever you’re coming from, amazing fun. song, thank you. My day has been made immensely better, which is definitely something considering the fact that I got rejected from a university I’ve had my heart set on for a couple of years. But that’s okay, Brandeis, I love you but it doesn’t matter.

Like one of my oldest and greatest friends said in a message she sent me an hour-ish ago, “Believe me none of this is going to seem the slightest bit of important four five years from now when you look back […]  you are what you believe yourself to be. And we both know youre pretty awesome.”

I’ve mentioned before how I need to be treated the same way I treat other people in their moments of wallowing despair, and it seems that both her and my father are good at that. A message telling me to pick myself up and understand that things like this don’t matter as much as they seem like they do right now was the absolute perfect reminder.

And now things feel good. I feel awesome. And I think I’m ready to take on any more rejection letters. Sure, I’ll mourn a bit, but I don’t want to forget my own self-worth anymore. I refuse to. I don’t know how potent this refusal will be, but I want everyone who is reading this to physically slap me if I show anymore signs of self-deprecation.

Really (on a religious note) everything happens for a reason. Allah (swt) knows what he’s doing. I don’t want to dwell on things I can’t change and focus on the things I CAN do something about, like studying for my mocks, living up to what my teachers have predicted for me in terms of grades, and – dammit – enjoying my last few months in a city that’s been my home for the past five years, with people that have grown to play such an important role in my life.

I’m choked up again, but this time it’s because of good things.

All I can say is, I’m glad no one’s around to see my face all this red and scrunchy.

Besides, it’s only one out of seven universities I’ve applied to in total. There’s six more to go. Briiiing it on!

also a fun. song somehow made it into my Beyonce playlist and decided it wanted to be the first one to play. i always did say my music collection knows me inside and out.

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